I can help you to move beyond the initial shock of your NPE discovery
Let me help you to reconnect with yourself and others while empowering you to create a new normal birth story
Let your actions be a testimony to the power you hold over your life
Let me show you how…
In 2018, I decided that I would take a DNA test to discover more about my racial and ethnic origins. Like many others, I wanted learn the answers to that question most of us have asked ourselves about our ancestral heritage, at one time or another - Where did I come from? In my case, the questions went even further. I would often be asked What are you? Where are you from, really? Where in Africa? Are you French? Or are you Italian? Are you sure? As our as the family lore goes, I originated from a diverse, Louisiana Creole melting pot background with racial admixtures from Africa, Asia, France, Germany, Spain, Native America and Mexico.... Or, so I was told!
What I was not at all prepared for, was the Pandora's Box I was about to open. Little did I realize that my life would be turned upside down by the contents it contained... that I would discover that my life's path and identity would be forever altered. Upon opening that fateful email, 50% of my identity vanished! It felt like a ticking, time bomb had gone off in the deepest recesses of my gut and soul. The shock was overwhelming. My head pounded.Time stood still. I was utterly devastated!
As I reviewed my DNA test results, I almost immediately noticed hat there was a problem. I had noticed that my ancestry was not annotated around Mexico on the AncestryDNA map. My Native American/Indigenous ancestry was listed as 0%. ironically, my paternal 1st cousin had excitedly contacted me a few days earlier to share her DNA results and revealed that she was 30% Indigenous, adding that she assumed that my numbers should be in a similar range to hers. It was not. Even worse, she was not listed in my results as a match. How could this be? There was only one answer. The test results clearly showed that I was not biologically who I thought I was on my paternal side! It turned out the only thing Mexican about me was my name. My biological father was, in fact, not my dad. He is now what is being referred to as my BCF (birth certificate father). I later learned that there was also a term to describe my test results and new status - NPE (Not Parent Expected).
For the longest time, I could not look at myself in the mirror. It was life shattering. I felt like the rug had been pulled from under me, as I asked,
Who am I? What happened? Who is my birth father? Is there anyone alive that might know?
I have come a long way since my discovery. Out of these ashes has come new learnings and relationships, while I have also had to rethink and claim my new normal identity. I also went through my personal experiences with pre-traumatic stress syndrome, initially, I feared what might happen when my Mother's "well kept" secret would no longer be a secret. I wondered and worried about the future of my relationships and experienced anticipatory anxiety about when the next bombshell would drop related to these "uncomfortable and uncontrollable" identity discoveries. Since my discovery, I have attempted to use this experience as an opportunity to grow!Since my devastating discovery, I have coined Identity Disruption™ to describe identity trauma events that can that lead to disruptive challenges related to one's self view or self narrative. I also created my corresponding NPE Identity Disruption™ trauma model with Bobbi Parish, Executive Director of the International Association of Trauma Recovery Coaches and have also developed my Signature ReStory Your Life intuitive process to assist with coping with this NPE discovery.
a few years ago, I lived and worked in Hawaii. While there, I learned about the Hawaiian concept of Kuleana, defined as is one’s personal sense of responsibility. According to Hawaiian tradition, the person possessing Kuleana believes in the strength of this value and will be quick to say, “I accept my responsibilities, and I will be held accountable.” I love this concept and saw it in action in the culture almost daily. I have come to recognize that my work with individuals and families who have been impacted due to unexpected discoveries from DNA testing are now part of my Kuleana. to help clients develop the skills necessary to deal with this trauma,
My Kuleana is to help promote awareness and healing transformation for NPEs & their families, as they navigate the pain, chaos and confusion this trauma exerts.
I have personally lived, survived, thrived and even flourish through the stages of grief and trauma that accompanies this DNA NPE discovery nightmare! As a international transition & adjustment expert, family systems specialist and certified coach, who possesses a deepr insight and purpose "kuleana," I can help you move through the challenges that come with the shocking discovery that "your daddy is not your father." . I can help you to move through this trauma and find way to uncover and embrace the new normal of who you were meant to be. "
“I draw from my personal experiences and expertise to help you recover from the devastating identity disruption™ that occurs when you discover that you are not who you thought you were? Together, I help clients from around the world create uniquely designed, expert strategies you help them recover from trauma impacted events trauma and allow them to transform their lives and flourish.".
Are you ready to take the next step in leaving your old birth story behind and creating a new and empowering story for your life? Please contact me to find out about how can support you, ask questions or to find out about my workshops and coaching programs. Also, check out my "This is me NOW" Blog." where I occasionally ramble about flourishing through trauma, identity, culture joy, empowerment and transformation. I look forward to working with you.
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